Anyway I heard the door open and a woman's voice say "WE'VE HEARD A REPORT THAT THERE'S A MAN IN HERE. WE NORMALLY KEEP THE TOILETS SEPARATED TO PREVENT RAPE AND ATTACKS, AND PROSTITUTION, SO DON'T USE THESE TOILETS THANK YOU!"
I was trying to breath at the time and could feel a panic attack coming on, so I said nothing. When I could breath again, I opened the cubicle and no one was there. I briefly went to the library but was upset and disturbed by what just happened. I borrowed a DVD and started to walk away, with this spinning about in my head, and then I GOT ANGRY. I walked back in and asked one of the staff if any of the library staff had gone into the woman's to check on anything in the last ten minutes, He checked (somehow) and said there hadn't been. I told him I'd been "sworn at" and left it at that. But it's been disturbed me all day.
The issue was: Should I follow up with the library? Make a complaint. I didn't see who said what was said, but the staff member did say they had video surveillance in the toilets so they could tell who it was.
. . .I had an "almost suicidal" moment this morning as I went for a brisk walk this morning by myself. The exercise was good but it brought up thoughts and feelings about the abuse at the library yesterday. And then I had all these other feelings come rushing in at me, of exhaustion, of feeling unhealthy and overweight, of feeling isolated physically. All came out in hysterical tears.
But then I got home, and the dogs were there to welcome me, and the edge of the despair was gone. I think I need to think things through today, and that I will make an OFFICIAL COMPLAINT to the library over yesterday's incident. After the stupidity I faced over toilets when I was public servant, I'm not going to fucking take crap over this any more.