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Ha ha ha ha ha - had to laugh.

It's election day here today, and I'll vote later. But just now I was watching this week's episode of VIKINGS and there's a scene where they're describing Ragnarök to the Christian. The voice over described all these horrible apocalyptic events, culminating with "at last, Fenrir will swallow the sun and blot out the sky"...

...followed by a news break which announced "Next, the Coalition unveils its policy costings!"
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Somehow my unlisted number got added to various call centres and other tele-pests that YOU DON’T KNOW. They always tend to call around dinner time with the idea that that’s when you’re likely to be there. I found the perfect response is this:

 

[PHONE RINGS}

If I have the radio on or music playing I turn it off.

ME: Hello
VOICE: Hello, Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah (INSERT SPIEL HERE).
ME: I’m sorry, who do you want to talk to?

IF MENTIONED BY NAME – VERSION 1

ME: What did you want to talk to her about?
VOICE: Doesn’t matter what they say.
ME: I’m sorry but this is a Private Hospital. Ms Seabrook is unable to take calls at the moment.

IF MENTIONED BY NAME – VERSION 2

ME: What did you want to talk to her about?
VOICE: Doesn’t matter what they say.
ME: Oh I’m sorry, she worked on reception here until two weeks ago. I think she was dismissed for misusing the phones here.

IF THEY CAN’T GIVE A NAME, OR MAKE A CLAIM LIKE “Our records show that you were involved in a car accident six months ago” (that is, obvious bogus scam):

ME: Who do you want to talk to?

(REPEAT UNTIL THEY GIVE A NAME IN WHICH CASE SEE 1 or 2, OR THEY HANG-UP)

See the one thing that these pests can’t stand is WASTING THEIR TIME. Simpler solutions include asking them to just wait for a second while you close a door/window, and then put the phone in a desk draw. The solutions above also work because they convince the caller that you number is NOT a private one, but a business that won’t be buying what they’re trying to sell. Either way they’ll delete the number because calling it again is wasting their time.

The Roast

Jul. 19th, 2012 09:17 am
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Been watching THE ROAST off and on for a while. It's an Australian news satire show (about 3-5 minutes tops) that turns up as filler after the Dr Who repeats. But the thing is, they are so good at targeting unspoken crap or assumptions in the news. Take these two examples:




Ostensibly about the Olympics, but catch the comments about hereto-privilege.




"...because getting things for free was why the Internet was invented"

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These are the first things to make me smile today.


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And you'll find this as part of the wall photos of Looters vs Photoshop. Pretty dark humour really I guess since people have been killed in the riots, and yet, I still find them funny, and in a way it say something about how people endure stuff like this. There's only so long you can be in shock.

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Lady Bracknell.  May I ask if it is in this house that your invalid friend Mr. Bunbury resides?

Algernon.  [Stammering.]  Oh!  No!  Bunbury doesn’t live here.  Bunbury is somewhere else at present.  In fact, Bunbury is dead.

Lady Bracknell.  Dead!  When did Mr. Bunbury die?  His death must have been extremely sudden.

Algernon.  [Airily.]  Oh!  I killed Bunbury this afternoon.  I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.

Lady Bracknell.  What did he die of?

Algernon.  Bunbury?  Oh, he was quite exploded.

Lady Bracknell.  Exploded!  Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage?  I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation.  If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.

Algernon.  My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out!  The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean—so Bunbury died.

Lady Bracknell.  He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians.  I am glad, however, that he made up his mind at the last to some definite course of action, and acted under proper medical advice.  And now that we have finally got rid of this Mr. Bunbury,..

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OK, the following was created by typing Japan to Taiwan into Google Maps:



Check out directions #42 and #72. I suspect they are for either James Bond or Indiana Jones!
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I assume this is to do with a referendum in Britain. Just what was the outcome?

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Some of gags might sound a bit dated nowadays, but I love that the whole thing depends upon "breaking the fourth wall", because most of the jokes are between Lurkio and the audience. 
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I though these were quite good, and strangely reminded me of Chad Vader..
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The got it in one!
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The original is at http://www.awkwardzombie.com/index.php?page=2&fnum=3

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From Yahoo News:

LONDON (AFP) – British comic actor Norman Wisdom, who gained a huge following for his slapstick film roles in his trademark cloth cap and ill-fitting jacket, has died at the age of 95, his family said. Wisdom passed away peacefully Monday in a nursing home on the Isle of Man after suffering a series of strokes in recent months. Tributes poured in for the star, one of Britain's most popular post-World War II comedians, whom Charlie Chaplin once described as his "favourite clown." In a bizarre twist to his career, he became a cult figure in communist Albania where he was the only Western actor whose films were allowed to be shown during the dictatorship of Enver Hoxha.

Wisdom was mobbed by fans when he visited Albania in 1995 after the fall of communism.

Zef Mazi, Albania's ambassador to London, said news of Wisdom's death was dominating the media back home. "He was very popular with everyone from very young people to very old people and he made us laugh at a time, in the communist period, when there were not many reasons to laugh."

Wisdom rose to stardom with a string of hits in the 1950s and 1960s, such as "Trouble in Store" and "A Stitch in Time", which usually involved his cheery character Pitkin as an underdog battling adversity. Wisdom also sang, danced and played musical instruments, but it was his comedy that won the hearts of millions."My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad," he once said.

After a poverty-stricken childhood in London, Wisdom joined the army as a boy, giving him proper meals for the first time and allowing him to develop his talent for entertainment.His family paid tribute to a "much-loved father and grandfather."

"Over the last six months Norman has sustained a series of strokes causing a general decline in both his physical and mental health," they said in a statement. "Over the last few days his condition rapidly declined. He was in no pain or distress."

Johnny Mans, his agent for more than 30 years, said Wisdom's death was "absolutely devastating."

"He was never, ever big-headed -- he was always a man of the people. He was always a naughty little boy, but that was Norman," he told Sky News television. Jan Kennedy, managing director of Billy Marsh Associates, the agency which discovered Wisdom, paid tribute to a "beloved comic genius." "His whole personality projected a child-like warmth and innocent appeal that touched the hearts of everyone. Norman literally made audiences worldwide cry with laughter," she said.

Wisdom was born on February 4, 1915. His parents, a chauffeur and a dressmaker, divorced when he was nine and he was brought up by his abusive father. Money was often so short that Wisdom was forced to steal food. He left school at 13 and took a job as an errand boy and later joined the army. While performing a comedy boxing routine in an army gym, he discovered a talent for entertainment, and began to work on it. Leaving the army in 1946, Wisdom made his debut as a professional entertainer at the age of 31.

His rise to the top was phenomenally fast. He was a West End star within two years, made his television debut the same year and was soon commanding enormous audiences. He finally retired on his 90th birthday. Mark Freeland, head of BBC Comedy, said Wisdom was "one of the most enduring and endearing faces of British comedy." He added: "Sir Norman's diminutive characters were always underpinned by a sensitivity and charm that so wonderfully communicated to audiences the plight of the underdog."

Wisdom was married twice and had two children with his second wife, Freda Simpson, who was a dancer. They divorced in 1969.

I haven't been so upset since Groucho died. I know we're all mortal, but Sir Norman made me laugh.
laura_seabrook: (Default)

This could have been taken from the current election run-up in Australia!


 


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