My first encounter with Jenny was at an ATM at Stocklands shopping centre in Jesmond. I had no idea who she was - I was sitting down eating my lunch. She was trying to operate the ATM but shaking badly. Some workmen were standing around making fun of her to each other as a "druggie". I didn't know about her MS then either, but to me it was outrageous and after she left I let them know what I thought of them. When I tried to find her I bumped into another friend, Jamie, and that was it.
A few years later (about 2003 or 2004) it transpired that we both had the same G.P. and discretely he suggested that if I wanted, I could phone this other person for a chat, who was having some issues to do with isolation, and was also a "post op". I phoned and we chatted, and this was Jenny. We chatted at least once or twice a week for some time, and it was good to talk with her. Then, she had a problem with her computer and I offered to go over and fix it. I did.
She had the early stages of MS, used a walking frame, and lived with her husband Ron and their dog Bobby in a flat in Wallsend. I popped around once or twice, and then heard that Ron had gone into a care facility with Alzheimer's. One day, I felt so lonely that I just grabbed a video and popped over to Jenny's for a visit and suggested we watch a video together, which we did. That was the start of my regular visits to Jenny's. Usually I'd take a video or DVD to watch and we'd chat all the way through it. Jenny loved her video collection. Sometimes I'd take milk and bread for her (both fairly safe to buy) and twice (with great effort), I drove her to someone who supplied her with the ingredients for her "herbal cigarettes". This was the thing that eased her suffering the most - smoking dope (and in fact this morning i saw news item on TV about a marijuana-based mouth spray).
But it was more than just going over to Jenny's to watch videos (though Jenny loved the TV series House M.D. and I really enjoyed watching this with her). I could talk to her openly about a lot of things, and it helped put them in perspective. And it wasn't because we were both trans either - I liked her for who she was. When all my duckling dired and I phoned her about it, she already knew. Often when I bought milk and bread it was after she'd particularly needed them. I went there after I had a traffic accident to fall apart emotionally. Every time I'd visit I'd pay Bobby attention and give him pats. Once I took Pegasus there (a mistake) and he bit Bobby on the nose! I took photos of her and her new kitten Rocky, who disappeared and was later discovered to have been "given away" by her next door neighbours to their neice. I was pleased when she got Ebony, though later, when she was ill with broncitis and I looked after both Ebony and Bobby, I understood why she couldn't have her back. We had our differences and more than once went for long periods without talking or seeing each other.
When I created my "Trans Tarot Deck" I used Jenny as the model for the BLANCE card. Even with her problems, she always impressed me as someone who was able to manage what she had to the best avail.
Back in 2008 and when she started to decline, I visited her in different hospitals and when she wanted an "independent transfer test" I was with her for over four hours to make sure she was ok. Until I buried Pegasus, it was the most stressful thing I'd done. She failed the test, and we watched Dr Strangelove instead, until her mother or the ambulance came to get her. I took Bobby on shortly afterwards, and she went into a nursing home permanently. It was a difficult time for her. Her mother and stepfather had to clear the flat out and they sold a number of her items to pay off debts. She was very bitter over that, and resented being confined to bed. Over the course of the last 20 months she declined physically as her condition progressed.
One thing that I was glad to do was to be able to take Bobby in to see her. At first I had no success at this because I assumed I needed someone with a car to drive us in. Finally, I bought a pet carrier and took him in on the bus.
The weather in the last month or so prevented me from doing this again. I was planning to take Bobby in on Monday, but that's too late now.
My last conversation with Jenny was about her situation and the possibility of dying. She still resented the fact that she wasn't "home" (her last flat) and thought that it was unfair. Life is unfair. She told me yesterday that she wasn't ready to go, and I hope, that in the time between then and now she was able to make peace with herself and let go. Either way, I WILL MISS HER.
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