Today - Counselling session

Saw my counsellor today for a "reflective session". This is where I talk to her for a while in front of the other counsellors (eight in total). Then the counsellors talk about what they perceive and understood about our talk. Then we have a brief chat. The whole thing was video recorded and I will get a copy to keep of the video.

Sounds a bit odd but I found it to be of great assistance. I talked about my current issue with the research question, about being trans, being pagan, and how my masters was really a vehicle for my work practice - the two graphic novels - and what they really meant. I surprised myself, because real passion came out of this. And the feedback about things was really helpful. One of the things that came through is that my project is A BIG THING FOR me, whereas the research question and the research (which i won't do unless I believe in the question) is a smaller thing, trying to fit a bigger concept in a small box. And this has helped a lot.

There was much more as well, but I know now that I do need a leave of absence. Not to "run away" from the problem, but to "reconnect" with something very important in me, that's been driving my masters in the first place. I'll start sorting that out tomorrow.

 

I'm also going to Queer Collaborations this year. QC helps me connect to a community that I am a part of, and connection to community is important to me. Feeling isolated here in Barnsley, and lacking the means to maintaining a real social life (as opposed to a virtual one) has contributed a lot to my stress and confusion.

Lunchtime

After the counselling session i went to a nearby cafe to have a good lunch (it was well after 1pm by the time I came out). It was quite a pleasant lunch but important for two reasons. First was I did a psychic reading for the owner of the cafe. the second was that I talked to Debbie.

I used to read Tarot professionally for a while, but I was quite out of practice by now. However, once I started everything flowed. I think when I came out of the counselling session I was very centred, and that helps immensely.

Meeting Debbie was important, because she was one of the healthcare workers who knew Jenny by assisting her in her flat. After Jenny went into the nursing home she lost contact with her. I'd met Debbie in the cafe bbefore and she would ask after both Jenny and Jenny's dog Bobby (who I now care for). At one time she offered to drive Bobby and me to the nursing home but that never happened (instead I took him there on the bus). When Jenny died I passed on a message to Debbie via the cafe owner, but she didn't get it for weeks afterwards. So for me, and for Debbie, it was good to talk about what had happened - how Jenny had died, how the funeral was (she would have gove had she notice) and how I reacted.

It transpired that Debbie used to have a good friend who died of cancer, and there was an empathy and connection there. She understood, and I really needed to talk to someone who did. I also passed on jenny's mother's phone number to her. Debbie met Leone several times and wanted to pass on her condolences. I think this is a good thing for both of them.

It was a good lunch today.

Motorbike enquiries

After lunch at first I was planning to go to university, but I've had a sinus headache all day (more likely caused by the beer I had last night) and Debbie gave me a lift to Wallsend Library instead. After the library I went to a local motorbike shop and made a few enquiries.

They had a couple of Vespa / Moped type bikes there, and a couple of really good condition "Postie Bikes" as well. Each was just under $2,000, and I asked about other things as well. It seems that third party on the "auto" type of motorbike is in the region of $170 (instead of the $450 I generally paid for the Rauni). If I drove it all week petrol costs would be somewhere between $10 to $20! The biggestest bit of information he gave me was that I should go to the RTA  and see about getting a learners. Went tothe RTA and they were very helpful. The process is that learner drivers first take a preliminary course that teaches you to manage travelling on a bike safely (e.g. not fall off or skid while you turn). It's a local two day course and costs about $75.

I'm booked in for Saturday and Sunday this weekend.  I'm attending the 12:30pm session which doesn't come out until 4pm which means getting home easily might be difficult. However, if I ride my bicycle to Cardiff Station each day that might be less of a problem.

But, it's STEP ONE in getting my own bike, and that will give me greater independence in r=travekla nd my social life (I hope).