laura_seabrook: (Default)
I had the most terrifying dream last night, so much so that I woke up from it at 4am. What was the dream?

I'm attending a wedding party and some of my cousins are there but I don't see either my mother or brothers. My father (deceased) is there however. The wedding is held in an open field in tents only some of the tents seem to be seeing stuff like hand sewn blankets and dream catchers and stuff. I ask about these but everyone I ask seems to assume I'm "looking down" on their craft. The couple get married but I have no idea who they are or why I'm at the wedding. Afterwards I leave in my station wagon (which I sold for $50 in 2007) and my cousin Brian seems to be in the drivers seat with me and someone else in the passenger seat and it's really awkward to drive.

The car is just about to run out of fuel and I pull over into a driveway in front of some shops and am invited in buy a woman who gives me tea. I return to the street to discover my car is gone and am told that "they needed it to move house". This angers me enormously because no one asked me first. I'm so angry that I go to a set of markets in an alleyway on the other side of the street where they're selling stuff like what was at the wedding. I grab a crowbar and start smashing objects and set fire to things, punching out people and dragging them by the hair into the street and throwing them into traffic.

When I get back to the shops my cars still missing and no one seems to know what I'm talking about or knows the women I talked to before. I start walking up the highway to home, and the soles on my shoes disintegrate and people passing shoot guns at me and spit on me. And finally I spontaneously combust.

I have no idea what this means, but it seemed to strike a chord in me when I woke. Have not been sleeping well lately. Or rather I lose energy early in the night, and wake up in the early hours of the morning. Last night I watched an Is It Real? TV show on Bigfoot which was amusing, to put me asleep. Blah

laura_seabrook: (Default)
I watched A.I. on TV last night. The ending always makes me cry, which I did. Gabby was on the bed, coughing, and when I patted her Theo snuggled up as well. I think I would be very lost without my pets. I need to go out today though, I was overcome by feelings of frustration and sadness dog walking this morning. I think I've been overly stressed and joyless for the last few weeks, NOT making good decisions or reactions.

laura_seabrook: (Default)
Was in pain walking Bobby this morning. And unusually he had an idea of where he wanted to go! I just wish I'd been up to it. My mind kept on being draw to things that annoy me, like fuckwits arguing split hairs on Facebook yesterday, and other things.

Feeling very tired and unwell today. I don't want to deal with any crap, so I'm staying off Facebook as much as possible (I still have some stuff to do on some pages I manage).


Nov. 19th, 2012 09:29 am
laura_seabrook: (Default)

Feeling a bit low today. It may be fatigue catching up with me. I finished Chapter 1 of Real Life Trips yesterday, so I "ought" to be feeling good, eh? However my asthma/ hay-fever's been playing up, still recovering from the accident with my finger, and still no word from the bank about those disputed purchases on the stolen debit card.

Also I'm upset over the Transgender Day of Remembrance (tomorrow, the 20th). I normally feel low about this every year anyway, but this year I failed to help get anything organised for a real life event in Sydney (I'd created an event for it on Facebook) and am not sure about attending a concert related to it in Sydney either. The issue's about being able to either crash at someone's place overnight, or paying for taxi fare home from Cardiff Station at 2am the following morning. I haven't been down to Sydney since the trip to the Biennial (which was a bus trip organised by the Uni) and I haven't been away from the house overnight for what seems like forever.

Maybe I have a bit of cabin fever. Don't know what to do, but I feel that staying home tomorrow or tomorrow night would not be good.

Cranky Day

Mar. 12th, 2012 09:55 am
laura_seabrook: (tired)

Feeling wretched this morning.

Came to having breakfast after a dog walk and feeding the pets, and I felt exhausted already and very very down emotionally. Perked up after a bit of breakfast and end watching some Rocky and Bullwinkle, but I still feel very tired just now. Was originally intending to go shopping in the early morning and reformat the Studio PC. I think I'll wait until tomorrow for food shopping, and will take my time with the reformatting. Makme a list of things I need to do and will stick with that. If I don't get it all done today I'll finish tomorrow.

Nonetheless feeling this exhausted and cranky isn't good. I don't think I've been sleeping that well of late. Mowed the lawns yesterday so maybe some of this is my feeling that now. Or maybe I've been spending way too much time in front of a computer screen as well. Can't see the last changing much in the future.

Gah. Feel "worn out" - maybe tomorrow will be better, but I'll make the most of today that I can.

laura_seabrook: (Default)
Had a massive sinus headache and dizziness waking up this morning. Has receded now after a couple of panadol and breakfast, but I was not up to catching the bus at 9am. Will be going out to uni later today - I have to pick-up my Veggie Co-op stuff, but otherwise won't be staying - in this condition I really can't concentrate on studies, or anything much for any length of time.

Warm Bath

Jul. 23rd, 2011 04:32 pm
laura_seabrook: (Default)
Feel like rusted iron today. No incentive to do much creative, except read while having a nice warm bath (which is exactly what I'm about to do).
laura_seabrook: (melancholy)

I had a nice warm bath yesterday, and afterwards, that was it for me as far as drawing went.

I'd been drawing stuff (mostly) on my laptop using the graphics pad and either Art Weaver or Paint Tool SAI in the lounge room, and the laptop/tablet combo works really well with either of these applications. Butafter the bath I took a shot at inking Trope World -- which I'd pencilled last weekend -- in Illustrator and got a bit lost and a lot frustrated.

I know when to quit, because there's always more I can do the day after. However, I go no webcomic pages done at all yesterday, even though I did get six drawings done. Today should be a housework day. I will cut vacuuming the floors and not mow the lawn, and fit in some art work after the rest is is done. Even if I don't get a lot done today, I will stick at it tomorrow.

laura_seabrook: (tired)

Work up at 4:30am this morning after falling asleep at 9pm last night. Couldn't get back to sleep and watched the first half of a Johnathon Creek episode that got recorded by mistake.Tried to watch a House episode as well but the recording was stuffed. 

Yesterday I went to Wallsend RTA to get my licence renewed. Had no problem last time around (about 5 years ago) but they have a new system where they are linked to the Centrelink database (!) and it seems that my "real name" didn't match my "preferred name" on the records. So today I went back with recognition certificate in hand, and a birth extract, to confirm what my real name is! Don't get me wrong - the RTA staff have always been polite and very helpful to me (the do come across in trying to make the process as stressless as possible) but it was still a pain.

Afterwards I caught a bus to Westfields at Kotara and checked out Borders to see if there was anything worth getting. I thought that's only take about 5 minutes but it took an hour. All the books are 50% off and after staggering around I had three candidates - a book on Roman Emperors (including East Roman and Holy Roman ones), A Daniel Clowes graphic novel and a book on ancient Roman occupations called IX to V. After a lot of deliberation I bought the latter. But I was already exhausted and didn't even want to get an Indian curry from the food hall there (I settled for two dim sums). Caught a bus to Glendale via John Hunter Hospital (were I got called "Sir" by an attendant), did a little shopping at Edgeworth Coles and caught the next bus home.

I had originally though to see a film maybe, but just lost all energy after getting to Kotara. Blah. Spend some sorry moments on buaes today not enjoying much of it at all. At least Dr Who is on in a few minutes.


Mar. 20th, 2011 08:14 am
laura_seabrook: (tired)
Just as well I had yesterday as the Housework day - I feel absolutely drained of energy today. And it seems that mouse is still playing up. As I type this post the editing screen in the browser is jumping around, scrolling up and down in a semi-random fashion. Last night a friend suggested I plug in a different mouse and that seemed to make a diff -

Ah, how silly of me - I'd left the wireless mouse in top of rug with a pattern on it, near the aerial which is still plugged in so I can use the keyboard - no wonder it was jumping around - it was still transmitting in addition to the mouse!

Urk - well you can see how my frustration tolerance levels are a tad low today. It's only 20 degrees and very moist, and I feel like my energy is leaving me by osmosis. Art-play tomorrow me thinks (with some shopping late in the day). Today, mostly nothing much with big servings of recorded TV and reading.

laura_seabrook: (Default)

Well, everything mostly went to plan, and I even caught a couple of buses that only started running today, and saved time in doing my shopping. But I found out that my working account (after paying all those bills earlier this month) was exhausted, so I had to dip into another account for finals stuff. I managed to get a couple of new timetables for the chip shop up the road (they put them in their window for general information) and was rewarded with free chips and a cappuccino (I had to supply the soy).

So why do I feel so headachy and exhausted?

Will need an early night tonight, and early travel tomorrow morning. Plane leaves Sydney Domestic at 3:15pm, so I need to be there by 2:15pm to be safe.  Luckily that's not so hard to do. The latest trip that works leaves at Barnsley shops at 10:05am and arrives at Domestic at  1:32pm which is only about 3.5 hours. I can also do the same trip leaving Barnsley at 9:05 am and arriving at 12:32am, so I have options.

Always nice to have options. So glad I didn't race off to see legal aid for something I couldn't serve until next week anyway.



laura_seabrook: (tired)

Everything is getting to me just now. Thought I could go out and cool off by watching a film, but everything on locally is just totally uninteresting. Humidity is is a constant irritant, and I am STILL angry at the pups and K & M for not training them more. If I go out I will be hot and sweaty and tired and cranky. If I stay home I will probably be the same.

I miss Jenny. She was someone I could visit and just be with, without excuses or questions and mostly I could just chill out.

laura_seabrook: (Default)
I don't feel like I've done much of anything this week, but I feel exhausted.

Then again, I have been out for the last three days, and also on Monday, and it has been feeling COLD COLD COLD. I was planning on updating one of my web comics. I know what to draw, but when I'm bout to do it I just feel exhausted and tired. Been feeling clumsy in unpredictable clumps of qualia. I've cut myself (accidentally) several times; had a puppy draw blood; and tripped over things. My left foot has been hurting badly. At least now I have all the pet food I need when I go away, a new first aid box (needs some filling) a new (plastic) cabinet/chest of draws thing in the bathroom, a large wooden sheet to block the passage way (and hence prevent dogs from pooing in my study while I'm away).

Whew, guess I have done a lot, but not much that's been fun. I really am looking forward to QC.
laura_seabrook: (Default)

My plan was - have a good night's sleep, take Bobby to see Ron at the aged care centre, and then on to see my counsellor (who was a block away). Didn't work out that way.

Got woken up at 4am buy being jumped on by Hallie. Now I know I had the connecting door shut, and the front door open (because Bobby had been throwing up) but she was there, and when I put her back down the other end I found the connecting door open. Found it really hard to get back to sleep. Woke up after 6am in bad mood. Kevin was up with insomnia and I had Hallie there (which i hadn't wanted). I took the dogs for a walk but I'm afraid I terrorised Hallie (I was just so angry, justified or not). When I got home I made breakfast and put Hallie back down the other end of the house and shut the connecting door. Even so I had breakfast in the study. When she came down once while I was getting ready I forced her back down the other end. I got the carrier ready for Bobby, and then i couldn't find him.

Looked for the bugger and he was in next door's backyard! I couldn't go in get him as (so far as I knew) they were still asleep. I was totally flusted, gave up on taking him and just left, leaving him next door (I figured he would find his own way back). But my mind was going in a crazy circle, all wound up. I decided to see a film, any film, at Glendale to take me out of that loop. I had a counselling appointment in the afternoon and calculated I could see one film and still get there on time. I was wrong. Saw Shutter Island - a disturbing but predictable film about an asylum for the criminally insane - but found I'd miscalculated and missed the bus.  The appointment was at 1pm and after taking two other buses and walking over a kilometre I got there just before 2pm. And here's where it gets even more weird, because my counsellor's 2pm appoint had missed their bus and was getting there at 3pm, so I still had a timeslot.

Shit I need that session. I have been very wound up and miserable of late, especially after yesterday. Feel like a wreck, and almost smashed a chair. Got issues that don't go away or seem to be worked out. But it helped. After the session I visited Ron. AHis brother died a couple of weeks after jenny, and he's going to the funeral on Friday. I'm taking Bobby to see him tomorrow and should turn up during a BBQ. Ron seemed very sad. I found that he and Jenny had been married since 1979. I always thought that it'd been since the early 90s, but was way off (though I wonder if he means 1989?).

Got home about 5pm, took the dogs for a proper walk to the chip shop and after feeding the pets fed myself. Have been sleeping a lot, but woke with diarrhoea - bleaugh. Hallie is up the other end and the door's shut. No fleabomb today as I'm going out. Bobby has been scratching a lot and even the flea powder doesn't help. I hope he'll be OK for today.

Better get back to bed. Been sleeping a lot but not in a good way.


Feb. 22nd, 2010 09:56 am
laura_seabrook: (Default)

Read a friend's journal how they are sick of being consider a "public other" because of their trans status. There was a a lot more - including about the difficulty of dating, sex and relationships - and it pushed a lot of buttons in me.

Today is the start of O-Week at university and I am not ready, and have not been able to do anything in the last two months to prepare for my confirmation. I went out yesterday to buy flea bombs and worming stuff and missed the bus, coming back 90 minutes later than I wanted. I felt hot and bothered, had diarrhoea and slept most of the time. 

Today we might flea bomb the house, maybe. Tomorrow I see my counsellor, and because she's located not far from where jenny's husband is, I thought I might take Bobby with me and visit him first. maybe.

Otherwise, I just feel sick, tired, lonely, sad and confused.


Jan. 8th, 2010 12:32 am
laura_seabrook: (Default)
My head has cleared up. Been a long day. I got nothing done that I wanted to. We'll see what tomorrow's like.
laura_seabrook: (Default)
Today was a total fuck-up the moment I set outside the house, with losing my purse and having a panic attack.

I was originally going to visit Jenny this morning but I felt kind of ill, and decided to stay home. Then Kevin phoned and wanted me to go to the bank for him (we have the same bank). I said I would and got ready to go out. I went to Cardiff first to return some library items and then after that went to ALDIs and a newsagent for a browse before doubling back to Stocklands Glendale to go to the bank. Only, when I got there I discovered that I didn't have my purse on me!

DisturbedI went back to Cardiff and no it wasn't at ALDI and yes, it was at the newsagent's where I'd dropped it. Did I mention I wasn't feeling that good? There was lots of glare out there today and my eyes were playing up. I caught the next bus to Stocklands and was crossing the car park when I felt a severe pain in my chest. I sat down for a while until it eased and went to the bank - only to discover I'd got there 9 minutes after closing.

Had a bit of a panic attack a few minutes later. Just sat it out, but the fuck wit spruiker with his P.A. system promoting the pet shop ("C'mon, they don't love you if they don't buy you a puppy!") didn't help. I did a little shopping and went home.

I was going to do another two pages of web comics today - that's gone by the board. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


Sep. 2nd, 2009 08:48 am
laura_seabrook: (Default)
Didn't have much sleep Monday night, and yesterday was a long day. I slept last night from 8:20pm until 2:13am, watch 30 minutes of tv and then slept until 5:30am this morning. Feel washed out and tired today. I think I will stay home until I feel up to going out. I can read and think while I'm home (and do more web comic pages / Hypergraphia stuff).
laura_seabrook: (Default)

Gasp - feel like this!!!!!

But right now, I feel sick, tired and dizzy.

Fun Day

Mar. 9th, 2009 11:12 am
laura_seabrook: (Default)

I had a migraine headache all day today, and felt ill several times (especially after bus trips). *SICK*

This didn't stop me from turning up to a meeting of the Queer Collective, since I missed the one last week. It was the largest attendance I've seen since I've been going there - I guess this is probably as it's the meeting after Mardi Gras.

After that I visited Jenny. It's her birthday tomorrow and rather than look forward to it she told me she wants to die. She seemed thoroughly miserable. I didn't try to "cheer her up" - that would be wrong of me - instead listened and chatted with her. I was hoping to get Bobby in there for a visit but it just seems beyond me right now. I might visit her again on Wednesday.

Did not feel well when I got home and slept for a bit after dinner (a potato salad I'd bough on the way home). Feel wide awake now but absolutely crappy.


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