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laura_seabrook) wrote2010-01-20 10:18 pm
Jenny's Funeral
I got there OK, with no difficulties or panic attacks. In fact I was early so I stayed a while in the local library (air-conditioned) before going on to the funeral parlour. On the way I bought a couple of packets of Fruit Tingles. I arrived about 15 minutes before the ceremony. Leone (Jenny's mother) gave me a present/keepsake from Jenny's room. I showed her the photo of Bobby and the packet of Fruit Tingles I brought (she understood the reference) and placed them on the coffin.
And what is the reference? Well when I used to visit Jenny in the flat, I'd often take bread and milk because she could always use those. When she went to the nursing home that was all provided, but she did like her lollies and Fruit Tingles was one of her favourites. She'd often be watching TV and holding a packet of Fruit Tingles in her good hand. For me also, it was something for the trip across to the other side, with an image of Bobby for company.
The service I thought was a good one. It was conducted by a chaplain from a Salvation Army church that Jenny and Ron had attended for some years (something I didn't know). There were a couple of people at the back who kept making comments, and may have been hospital/nursing home staff, but that was unclear. When it came time (if one wanted) to get up and pay respects there seemed to be a pause, so I was the first to do so. I stayed for the reception which was interesting, and claimed a carnation from the bouquet on the coffin as a keepsake (others took red or white roses). As usual, all the old family arguments and animosities surface at the reception. Harry (Jenn's father) was angry that Jenny's children had attended because (with one exception, when they thought she was dying after her stroke last year) they never visited her in the nursing home (and Jenny's ex Dianne was not there). It seems that he shared Jenny's view of her step-father, but he thought the whole family was a bit strange. And so on and so forth. But there was much else, and I met a whole network of family and friends that I knew very little about before (amd that her middle name was Lee). A number of folk asked about Bobby and how he is.
Harry kept referring to Jenny in her pre-transition name, but he's in his late 70s and I understood the force of habit involved, though I found it a constant annoyance (as was his desire to know what my "old name" was). But on the whole the whole thing had been respectful - Jenny was only referred to as Jenny and "she" and "her" throughout the ceremony. Though it occurs to me now, that maybe that respect was what annoyed the idiots at the back (sigh).
Both Harry and Leone said that they were available if I needed to talk to someone. Ron (her husband) was not well and couldn't stay for the reception. I worry about Ron. He would phone Jenny several times daily to say hello and see if she was OK. I said that weather permitting I'd take Bobby to see him, which I will, in the aged care unit. It's hard for all of us. Leone said she still had the urge to go to the nursing home, as if Jenny was still there, and I know what she means. A bit more crying and grief for all of us I think.
RIP Jenny
regards,Christina