laura_seabrook | Wednesday (Reply)

Jayne told me Wednesday morning that I cried and sobbed in my sleep so loudly it woke her and Alex (her son). Apparently when asked I said "I'm fine" but I don't remember this at all (then again, I said the same thing while asleep when asked if I wanted coffee the night before). I've been so sad lately after Peggy's death. Maybe I needed to do some more crying.

In the morning while I waited for Jayne to wake up, I watched Pan's Labyrinth. A film about any number of things, where being true to oneself is more important than staying alive. Very sweet and sad.

I knew though that I needed to go home. Spent most of the day travelling. Normally I like the trip by train, but yesterday I just felt tired. It wasn't the regular 8 carriage intercity train, but a shorter 4 carriage thing that was poorly air conditioned. Hated it, and was glad to get off at Cardiff. Did a little shopping on the way home. Not much. Was greeted by Hallie at the front gate. Kevin and Michelle were in the shower so I quietly went out the back for an hour and read a comic, and then just sat there thinking about things.

I finally met Kevin, who seemed glad to see me back. Then I borrowed Hallie and went for a bush walk to the cairn. When I walked the fire breaks and bike tracks around here with Pegasus, I discovered a cairn on top of a hill. I have no idea who started it or why it was there, but it had survived the big fires of 2000 (when everything between Barnsley and Holmesville was burnt to the ground). Every time something important happened in my life, I'd walk up there with Pegasus and ad another item or rock.

This time around it didn't seem right to go alone, so I took Hallie with me. I also took a windbreaker I'd bought the day (shown left) before and marked 7 of its 8 petals P E G A S U S. It'd been a while since I'd been there (Peggy wasn't up to the walk the last year) and the animal trails up to the top were overgrown. But we got there, and I planted the windbreaker on top of the cairn. Ave Pegasus.

Then we walked home. Been a long day, and later when I walked to the chips shop with Bobby (who seemed very happy to see me) I found that it was shut, so it was a cheese sandwich, watching House on TV, and an early night for me.