The only post about Valentine's you'll get from me this year...

...though I may repeat it on the day:

Tired and Confused - some issues

I'm at the uni and I'm not sure what I want to do. Last night I could barely sleep and tossed and turned and when I did drop off I had extreme of physically harming Kevin.

I don't want to go home tonight. I'm not sure what I will do instead. What I "should" be doing is preparing for my research candidature. I tried that Monday but didn't get very far. I might see a counsellor here at the uni, but once again I just don't know. Maybe I don't want to do anything but just get some sleep.

We didn't meet the power bill this quarter. Or rather, I did, and Kevin unilaterally decided that he would pay his share by installments over the next two months, and that I would have to phone the power company and "arrange terms". I showed Kevin the bill a pay period ago and he said nothing of this at the time and in no way indicated that he could not meet his portion. I rankle at his (the boarder) taking the decision away from me (the home owner) and forcing this on me. So far I have paid the difference that I still owed + his first installment. Yesterday the new bill arrived demanding the difference, because I didn't phone the power company and sort it out. But a) I've been sick, really sick, and b) I haven't agreed to this anyway. Kevin claims we had a discussion over this, but discussion does not equal agreement. Right now I'd rather not phone them and let the power be disconnected on the 12th, and just not bother paying the ISP either.

Bottom line is that I don't trust Kevin. My intuition tells me that he will wrangle a way of not paying back the $300 he got me loan him (on the strength that he was going to get a $1000 stimulus payment) at New Years. When I first raised this issue he said that "he needed the money so that Michelle's car could have the air conditioning fixed" (never mind the fact that they had already installed a new stereo system in  the bloody thing) so I deferred repayment. But fucking me around with the power bill just destroys any confidence i have in him. Yes, the Rent is payed on time (plus installments for extra insurance and broadband) but it's about intent and the fact that Kevin is charming (like my last boarder) and I can be talked into things that I really don't want.

The main factor in my not booting Kevin out is that he is regular with the rent and that helps pay other bills (like the $177 land rates bill due at the end of the month). But it's not consistent. It seems that if Kevin can convince me to defer or stagger payments, he will.I am just sick of this. I feel weak and foolish and unable to make any decisions or agreements that I can expect Kevin to abide by, or even remember in the same way that I do.

I am afraid that if I go home tonight I will do something stupid or violent.



Sigh, why bother writing? Everything seems pointless or a wank, just now.

There is still humour in the world

Didn't go to a counselor, read web comics in the Huxley basement instead. Like Stolen Pixels:

Still don't know about going home. Apart from unresolved stuff, my body aches and I want to fall asleep.

Z z z z z z z

Starting to doze off in front of the PC here.
I should go, but I'm not sure where

gone

feeling hot and feverish

gone