Should I march in the Mardi Gras Parade?

[laura_seabrook]

It's getting to that time of the year again. The Mardi Gras Parade is on the 3rd of March, a few weeks away yet, but coming up soon.

Long Rant over the Issues

Now of course there's more to the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras than just the parade, there's a whole month of events before that. Sometimes, like last year, I go to Fair Day.

Last year I went to this, partly because there was a QC Committee meeting there - the only one I got to. This time around, I'm not involved with QC, even as an attendee (not an active student this year), so that's gone. While on the whole Fair Day's enjoyable, it's a long way to go, bound to be hot, sweaty and tiring, and I don't really have the car to park at Fassifern for the return trip (which means either coming back way early to catch the last bus home, or staying in Sydney at a friend's).

I'm debating about going to the parade. Most years I either march with the Bi Contingent (last year's was good). I used to have an involvement with the Sydney Bi Network, like going to some of their meetings, conferences and stuff, and marching in the parade.

However, after a disastrous affair with an utter dork (who shall remain nameless now) who was affiliated with the group (in which I ended up feeling like a piece of meat), I backed off in a big way. While last year's was enjoyable, the previous year was a total fuck-up, when it "should" have been good.

So I'm debating whether or not to go.

Supposedly Roderick will be marching with the group (though I can't find any details about it anywhere). That's probably a good thing for him, but it doesn't really add any incentive for me. I could, I guess, go with the Newcastle walking group as organised by Rainbow Visions, or maybe even a trans contingent, if I could find details for it.

One other possibility, is to march with the Queer Students. OK, so I'm post grad now, but most of the dealings I had with queer students has been pretty good.

I'm wondering though, if I want to march at all this year. I've marched every year since 1996 (which was the best), and maybe I'm just sick of it. I've never been in the crowd, never been just spectator. Maybe I'm sick of being a representative of something that has seldom been a positive thing for me. Why march when mostly all it's been for me is a gaping raw hole of emotions, dashed hopes and sorrow?

Years ago in Perth a friend of mine suggested that I was probably Bi. I decided to remain open to that possibility, since previous partners were female and M2F. I followed up on it after I moved to the Hunter and the result has been very mixed. Mostly, I made friends with people in the Bi movement, but that was all. It didn't open too many avenues of expression in me - either physical, social or sexual. Maybe in part that was due to a "failure of nerve" in me. Maybe my ego is a lot more fragile than I'd like.

I don't know, but right now I'm lacking any real motivation to go to the parade, as either a marcher or a spectator. I have to wonder, is that a bad thing?

Comments

[faffinoodle.livejournal.com]

From reading all this, I think it might be your best interests to have the year off from the Mardi Gra celebrations?? Sounds like you're not really 'into' it that much anyway, so a year away from it won't hurt?

I think...

[laura-seabrook.livejournal.com]

...maybe you're right.