Regaining Focus & Self Esteem [self therapy]

[laura_seabrook]

This has been a fairly muddled and hap-hazard year for me. It's been extremely hard for me to maintain focus on anything for long. I've been recurrently "low" in my emotional state, and artistically constipated (last web comic page was on the 16th August!).

The Save Our Souls panel at TINA yesterday discussed these problems.

Distractions

I think much of that was influence by my home environment. Having 5-6 pets (I included Hallie, Kevin's dog in the count) means that there's always distractions here. And until recently, I had my computer in the same room as the TV, and my drawing desk in the kitchen (where I could still see the TV). Not conducive to focus.

That's changed a bit with the computer and drawing table now in the front room or study, where I don't have people looking over my shoulder and there's no TV. But it seems very easy to still be distracted.

One of those distractions is having my e-mail client checking for email at regular intervals. When I hear the "you have mail" I feel obliged to check it out, and reply if appropriate. Today I've set those functions to OFF. Apart from initially when I load Thunderbird, it'll only check for mail when I want it to. A small thing, but it's a start.

Come next year when I start the Masters, it might be a good Idea to go down to the university most days, even if all I do is stare into space at the Huxley Library. René Magritte would work 9-5 in a studio down the road from where he lived. It focussed what he did, and removed distractions. If I can't keep focus, then nothing's going to be achieved.

Self Esteem

One of the things mentioned at the SOS panel was the need to be around people into or doing similar things. I'm not talking groups accessible via the net here because ultimately that's all abstract anyway, but real life folk in face-to-face situations. I haven't had much of that in the last two years, ands I feel my emotional/mental health has been on the verge of deteriorating as a result.

I used to go out regularly if not all the time - I'd go to Necropolis or a club down in Sydney and dance the night away. When I had the car / scooter I could park it at a station and catch the train down to Sydney or elsewhere, so it was a lot easier to see exhibitions or in fact anything of interest, like concerts or whatever.

With no car/scooter (and the bicycle isn't a substitute) I've been pretty much limited to what I can get to in the Newcastle area during public transport hours (last bus home yesterday was at 6:03pm from Glendale). The exceptions have been the two occasions where I've gone shopping or to an event with Kevin and Michelle, and that is not a reliable assist.

So practically my social circles have been decreasing. When I saw my counsellor on Monday, she suggested that I needed to go out and meet people. After Kevin and I had "a bit of a talk" he suggested the same thing. I feel like I'm dying here, shrivelling up through lack of emotional stimulation. Shit, no wonder I've stopped doing web comics. Hugs on LJ are one thing, but real hugs in real life would go a lot further!

Need to re-establish doing real-life stuff with real people.
Suggestions anyone?