Last Night, and the Virginity thing.
May. 22nd, 2004 12:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laura_seabrookWell, I felt absolutely fucked from last night. Not that I didn't go down to Sydney, not that I didn't get to Blink, but shortly thereafter I just felt all the energy drain out of me, like someone'd flicked a switch. I got there are 9:40pm, but caught the 1:47am train home!
I did manage to catch up with Jayne and her daughter Crystal. I even met Claire, who I hadn't seen for months (she's coming up to Necropolis next week for the live gig). But I just felt ill -- I was sitting upstairs watching the video projection of Slipknot, and just not being able to connect with either the music or the people. Even Claire commented that I wasn't my "normal happy self".I cut my losses and went home. Jayne walked me to the station (Kings Cross) and soon enough, I was back in Barnsley by 5:10am.
Not a happy night. I was feeling miserable partly due to illness I think (what the fuck is wrong with me?), and maybe stress. I was supposed to go to a "Stress a Management" course at TAFE earlier in the day but forgot until it was over. and partly because of the TripleJ thing.
Earlier that day I was on a segment called "Hack" that's on the 5:50-6:00pm timeslot weekdays on TripleJ. It's a semi current affairs show and that day's subject was virginity. I was on there as the "tranny" content (they'd also had some lesbian and gay comments). I pointed out that I'd already lost my virginity twice (pre-transition and then pre-operatively, and could lose it again for a third time (that's right folks, I "haven't been touched - apart from myself - since surgery back in 2000).
Now it didn't quite go the way I'd expected from the telephone call by the producer earlier in the day. I got cut off just before finishing a comment. But the fact remains, it's the 20th anniversary of losing my virginity originally. True, I haven't been that sexually active since, but it would be nice to just let that happen again, with someone I like.
The reality though seems different. I feel overweight, unwell, and unattractive. I can't see any possibilities of this happening within any of my current social circles, and I just don't want to get "picked up" either. Jeez, what a sorry shit I seem to be...
I did manage to catch up with Jayne and her daughter Crystal. I even met Claire, who I hadn't seen for months (she's coming up to Necropolis next week for the live gig). But I just felt ill -- I was sitting upstairs watching the video projection of Slipknot, and just not being able to connect with either the music or the people. Even Claire commented that I wasn't my "normal happy self".I cut my losses and went home. Jayne walked me to the station (Kings Cross) and soon enough, I was back in Barnsley by 5:10am.
Not a happy night. I was feeling miserable partly due to illness I think (what the fuck is wrong with me?), and maybe stress. I was supposed to go to a "Stress a Management" course at TAFE earlier in the day but forgot until it was over. and partly because of the TripleJ thing.
Earlier that day I was on a segment called "Hack" that's on the 5:50-6:00pm timeslot weekdays on TripleJ. It's a semi current affairs show and that day's subject was virginity. I was on there as the "tranny" content (they'd also had some lesbian and gay comments). I pointed out that I'd already lost my virginity twice (pre-transition and then pre-operatively, and could lose it again for a third time (that's right folks, I "haven't been touched - apart from myself - since surgery back in 2000).
Now it didn't quite go the way I'd expected from the telephone call by the producer earlier in the day. I got cut off just before finishing a comment. But the fact remains, it's the 20th anniversary of losing my virginity originally. True, I haven't been that sexually active since, but it would be nice to just let that happen again, with someone I like.
The reality though seems different. I feel overweight, unwell, and unattractive. I can't see any possibilities of this happening within any of my current social circles, and I just don't want to get "picked up" either. Jeez, what a sorry shit I seem to be...
