Strained Day
Jun. 10th, 2004 11:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laura_seabrookI reacted, weirdly at TAFE today.
I guess it was the come down after so many expectations.
See, the local uni Library advertised for their "eligibility list". That's the short list that they use to fill the casual positions with. All the library students at TAFE were encouraged to apply, and so I did.
Only there was a whole mixed bag with doing so/ It was the uni I studied for my Bachelor's at, and I have long had visions of working there while doing my honours. But, but, there's also a pressure here too. I haven't worked for $$$ since 1996, and the prospect scares the shot out of me.
But I applied anyway. Job applications scare me shitless. Had the interview on Tuesday and I thought it went well. As it happened, not only was the interview for the list, but there was a position available for the top ranked person to start immediately. They said they'd contact people with the results later. Wednesday afternoon Karl (who car pools with me to class) and I passed another student who was talking on her mobile, and we both had the feeling that she'd got the job.
That night there was no phone call, and this morning I was a bit edgy (too little sleep & worry). I was so sure I'd make the list at least. Then the successful applicant came into class. I was happy for her, dissappoint with myself, and relieved as well?! Happy, because she probably was a good choice for the job -- disappointed because I hadn't even got on the list -- relieved because somehow I just wasn't ready for that job anyway.
Argh -- messed up.
I went to classes in the afternoon, but the teacher isn't the best to work with, and I got things wrong and, well I ended up in counselling didn't I? Had a good cry and a talk, and I was better for it, and got back to learning about Interlibrary Loans.
Fuck -- the next job I apply for, I out to want.
Got work placement for this year soon, that should be fun -- but I'm looking forward to that.
I guess it was the come down after so many expectations.
See, the local uni Library advertised for their "eligibility list". That's the short list that they use to fill the casual positions with. All the library students at TAFE were encouraged to apply, and so I did.
Only there was a whole mixed bag with doing so/ It was the uni I studied for my Bachelor's at, and I have long had visions of working there while doing my honours. But, but, there's also a pressure here too. I haven't worked for $$$ since 1996, and the prospect scares the shot out of me.
But I applied anyway. Job applications scare me shitless. Had the interview on Tuesday and I thought it went well. As it happened, not only was the interview for the list, but there was a position available for the top ranked person to start immediately. They said they'd contact people with the results later. Wednesday afternoon Karl (who car pools with me to class) and I passed another student who was talking on her mobile, and we both had the feeling that she'd got the job.
That night there was no phone call, and this morning I was a bit edgy (too little sleep & worry). I was so sure I'd make the list at least. Then the successful applicant came into class. I was happy for her, dissappoint with myself, and relieved as well?! Happy, because she probably was a good choice for the job -- disappointed because I hadn't even got on the list -- relieved because somehow I just wasn't ready for that job anyway.
Argh -- messed up.
I went to classes in the afternoon, but the teacher isn't the best to work with, and I got things wrong and, well I ended up in counselling didn't I? Had a good cry and a talk, and I was better for it, and got back to learning about Interlibrary Loans.
Fuck -- the next job I apply for, I out to want.
Got work placement for this year soon, that should be fun -- but I'm looking forward to that.
