Words of Advice

[laura_seabrook]

I was feeling FUCKED IN THE HEAD yesterday. I saw my counsellor (and went from very agro to very sad). Anyway, she gave me a printout that said this (from "Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World"):

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centred;
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish interior motives;
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies;
Be successful anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable;
Be Honest and Frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds;
Think big anyway.

People favour the underdogs but follow only top dogs;
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight;
Build anyway.

People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them;
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have an you'll get kicked in the teeth;
Give the world your best anyway.

The issue for then, is that even if the above is true - how can I sustain myself in the mean time? The last three months have leached most of my energy and enthusiasm out of me. I have had great difficulty in creating comics (something that almost always makes me happy); have been able to do no research for my masters; and I really don't know what to do.

Tomorrow I'm going into uni to make contact. I'll pay my NUSA fees, visit all the stalls for O-week, have a free lunch; go to a Queer collective meeting and maybe see my supervisor. But deep down I feel down and out, and it feels like I'm going through the motions. I do not feel mentally healthy just now, and have had frightening dreams of violence against some people I know. there is much frustration in me, and I feel the absence of human contact and companionship.

Today I felt good about taking Bobby to see Ron at the aged care place, but I just lost all energy when I got home, and all I seemed to be able to do was watch TV (when I know that I could have done a comic page instead). I don't know why I've stopped.

I really do feel fucked in the head.

Comments

[strang-er.livejournal.com]

What has given you strength in the past?

[laura-seabrook.livejournal.com]

Pegasus helped.
Jenny helped.
I still had connections to friends who went with me to clubs (now no friends, no transport, and a spur on my heel).
My religion (but She only seems to give me crumbs).

[crazycrone.livejournal.com]

Whew...All I can say is I've been there (am there, most of the time-) I just try to tell myself that I'll feel better, it will pass. And it does, until the next time. It's a crazy old life.

[laura-seabrook.livejournal.com]

what you say is true, but the lengths of these downs seem to be increasing

[strang-er.livejournal.com]

I don't know the answers, except to do whatever you have to do to look after yourself, physically as well as mentally. You've had a lot to deal with lately, so be kind to yourself.

[baby-elvis.livejournal.com]

I think grief can do this to people.

[laura-seabrook.livejournal.com]

Goddess yes.