Laura Seabrook's Ramblings

I got an email from GothicMatch this morning. All it did was upset me, and I deleted the account I'd created in 2008. Here's the reason I gave...

I joined this site in a fit of desperation, in the last days of my involvement in the local Goth scene. Like everybody else I was desperate for social contact and intimate friendships. But this site (and other sites like it) are just reminders to me of what I DON'T have. I'm now either unable or unwilling to respond to anything I get from here, so what's the point in staying?

...and it's true. All sites like this one, or OKCupid have ever done, is make me feel more lonely and isolated. I think I'll be deleting that one next. Sometimes, I have to remember the words of this song:

Read a friend's journal how they are sick of being consider a "public other" because of their trans status. There was a a lot more - including about the difficulty of dating, sex and relationships - and it pushed a lot of buttons in me.

Today is the start of O-Week at university and I am not ready, and have not been able to do anything in the last two months to prepare for my confirmation. I went out yesterday to buy flea bombs and worming stuff and missed the bus, coming back 90 minutes later than I wanted. I felt hot and bothered, had diarrhoea and slept most of the time. 

Today we might flea bomb the house, maybe. Tomorrow I see my counsellor, and because she's located not far from where jenny's husband is, I thought I might take Bobby with me and visit him first. maybe.

Otherwise, I just feel sick, tired, lonely, sad and confused.

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To be honest I have no idea any more. The last significant other I had was back in 1994. Maybe that part of my life has passed. Every time I think that I get very very depressed.

Got back from the meeting. Fed the pets - Jeb turned up for a play. I feel cranky, tired, depressed and and sick.

No Sahmain musings today - tomorrow maybe.