Laura Seabrook's Ramblings

I missed (as usual) the first segment at NOWSA today, and the workshops in the afternoon because of public transport issues. However, the talks by Ros Singleton and Kathryn Randalll had a big impact on me.

Ros Singleton talked about Mental Health in Women and it had an immediate relevance for me, being as it is, that I'm at the pit of a depression that is currently destroying most of my creativity (but especially my efforts in my Masters of Fine Arts). Statistics show that 50% (FIFTY PERCENT) of Australians have some sort of mental health problem some time in their life! In the Q&A section I asked for advice on "what to do when one has a project that seems too important, and a fear of fucking it up creates a depressive loop that fucks it up?" Her answer is to minotor one's thoughts and note when one goes into a destructive loop. I sort of knew that, but it's easier (as in "bad habit" way) to forget.

Kathryn Randall who runs Comedy on the Rox talked about the importance of humour, and also of women comics. She is an older woman, and has had a rich and varied career, starting in stand-up comedy when she was 54. I found her ideas on the worth of humour and creativity of interest, and her mention of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron seems significant.

In fact, later in the day I realised that whatever workshop I went to I wouldn't be able to finish it, because to get home I would need to leave at 3:40pm. The Artist's Way - described as a "12 week/12 step program for artists" - stuck in my mind and I borrowed a terminal in one of the workshop rooms and sourced it. I could have waited until Monday and borrowed it for free from a local library, but it was also available at Borders, so I caught an earlier bus at 3:12pm that took me directly to Westfields at Kotara and where I purchased a copy for $30.

I also did some food and other shopping, and had a vegetarian curry for dinner there as well. I got home an hour later than expected but feeling much more productive. I will be taking the book with me tomorrow to the last day of NOWSA, and will start reading it properly this week.

SOMETHING NEEDED TO BE DONE, so I'm taking a punt that this book, and the actions suggested by it will help. My instincts are telling me that it will, and whenever I've acted on those in an open fashion I've got results.

I just paid my fee for attending NOWSA.

I have to say, that I am really really really nervous about tomorrow. The indications are that there is little for me to be worried about, really, but my body still remembers the last time I went to NOWSA (and the aftermath). I know that most of this is probably just my anxiety disorder playing up (it did all last week) but that doesn't help me much.

I currently stay away from the Women's Space at NUSA not because I don't believe myself to be woman (I DO), but because it's simpler, less stressful, and doesn't make anyone else comfortable. I feel weary and tired already, because this is a battle I've fought before, and it wears me out.