• see two counsellors (whose appointments annoyingly are often in the SAME WEEK);
• see both my supervisors;
• go to a 2 hour post-grad seminar;
• put together a literature review;
• complete the confirmation review documentation (due by the 22nd);
• try not to collapse.

• am having trouble breathing
• have a wheeze
• feel like my chest is about to burst

This was a really tough thing to do. After being with her a short while it was obvious that she's had a stroke, not just seizures.She reminded me of my father, who had a double stroke on his birthday and barely talk afterwards. Jenny was talking but it was slow and slurred. Also it clear that she was lucid only some of the time. At one point she asked to go back to her bedroom, which hasn't had for over a year; on another occasion she asked about the margarine that'd been left on "the veranda" (we were in her room at the Intensive care Unit on the top floor). She also asked what Bobby was doing, as if he was in the room with her, and if I'd seen the latest Indiana Jones film (I'd watched this with her last week).

I really don't know what will happen at this point. My mother had a stroke last month and after a few days she mostly recovered. But mum didn't have MS, and I don't know just how much (if any) Jenny will regain. This has happened more or less at the point that Jenn was settled in at the nursing home. But will she even go back? I don't know. When I spoke to her mother yesterday she told me that Jenny's estranged family had been in to see her while she was unconscious. They expect the worse, and id this a couple of years ago when she had pneumonia.

So I have no idea what's going to happen - but it's heart breaking all the same.

Everything  is F.U.B.A.R. today.

I was going to go down to Sydney to look at an art exhibition. To do this would mean driving my EazyRide early morning to Cardiff Station, and then catching a Train down to central.

First set of problems - the bike wasn't fully charged, and I couldn't find my backpack or the keys to the bike. The backpack turned up eventually, but I had to wait until 10:40am when Kevin woke up and he found where he'd left it (he used to bike to do some shopping Monday).

OK, I left and was in a hurry. Drove over the footbridge and up a hill in Barnsley and then the grip on the throttle came off! I lost control and the front wheel went sideways and the scooter fell on top of me! I have a grazed wrist and the muscle on my right leg is badly bruised where the kickstand dug in. My left shoulder is aching too. After about a minute of shock I managed to push the bike back up and drive home. The steering was bent slightly (Kevin fixed it after I got back) but the left pedal is bent up and back so I can't pedal or reverse it far - there's no way I could continue on to the Station.

When I got back home I discovered that the latch on the connecting door between kitchen and lounge had broken and the door was stuck! After removing the pins from the hinges and with the help of a Jimmy bar Kevin and I were able to get it out. If I can remove the handle and replace it, we can probably put the door back on.

Sigh, what next? Everything feels like it's fucked up beyond all recognition. What if that accident had happened in traffic?! I think I'll be staying home today (my right leg feels very wooden).

OK, just a "brief" outline.

Last night when I got home Kevin suggested burgers from the chip shop down the road. That would have been fine but I only had $6 in cash and needed $2.50 for bus fare today. I give him my $5 for $2 of chips but he never returned the change.

Which meant  that when I tried to catch the 7:47am bus this morning to go to a 9am appointment with my counsellor, I didn't have enough money. In fact, I had to go back home and drive the scooter there instead (and then noticed that he hadn't plugged it in to the re-charger yesterday).

Morning peak hour traffic to Wallsend was not pretty  and I coped abuse from some drivers who though I shouldn't be on the road. I got there in time (just) and it was a pretty fucking intense session. I have just been so confused and unfocused in the last few months.

After that, I drove to the university where I parked and locked the EasyRide behind a sign. I checked the Printery for a price on Painter, which I can get for $185. Then I had lunch, and caught the bus in to my afternoon's appointment at the employment agency. I hadn't heard back from the council and while I was there I phoned them to find out.

Seems interviews were last Monday and I never made the short list. Hmmm. Well in a way I'm relieved, but I need to sort of what sort of work I do want to do while doing my Masters (cleaning seems the go, and there's even a group that might train me at it).

As I left I commented that I wanted to find a pawn brokers to buy a 2nd hand mobile phone. One thing led to another and they thought I had a working phone (I don't - 1st got the screen broken, and the 2nd can't make outgoing calls) but of course I didn't. So then they offered to buy me one!

Paperwork got arranged while I went to the library and paid $17 worth of fines (somehow, I forgot to check what was due last week). I got back and my case worker drove me to K-Mart at Waratah where they bought me a Nokia 2310 (locked to Vodafone, which is fine as I already have a prepaid with them). Then he drove me back to the university where I went to retrieve my EasyRide.

Someone had slashed the back tire. It's currently parked inside the Printery (and can stay there until Monday) but I'm not sure what to do.

Caught the bus to Glendale, did a little shopping, and went home. I'm going to have a bath in a minute and "vegge out". What mixed fucking day!

Just now I went down to Edgeworth on the EasyRide.

I had a list of three things to do - return library stuff, but some chocolate & cola, and get a 2-stroke mix at a service station. I got to the shopping centre and bumped into Jodie. This is Jodie who phoned once and though I was Kevin, and then talked non-stop for 45 minutes before I could get a word in. Anyway, we were talking, and she was saying how terrible it was where she lived because there were whole families out to get her. Kids with taunt her in the street and youths and adults would come around threatening to rape and shoot her.

Sounds really alarming doesn't it and I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but it of the it degenerated into a game of "can't fix this" I made a few suggestions, which were either hide (what she's doing now), fight, or move. It was all too hard. Maybe she just wanted a sympathetic ear, but it seemed like a game to me, where the pay-off is that she's justified in her beliefs yet again. In the end, I walked off to go shopping.

Gasp! After doing the TDOR stuff and having stones thrown at me in the street, I'm sensitive to shit like this. Next time I go to Westies instead.

Been having a very rushed, very crowded time of late. Or rather I did last week. This week has been busy but oppressive weather has been sapping the energy from me. I had a rush of being out and about a bit too much.

( The details )

So I feel really exhausted. After about Saturday it felt like all artistic energies had temporarily drained out of me. I need to have at least two web comics done for this year's Day of Remembrance Project, but haven't got to them at all yet.

I'm back from Sydney.

Overall it was a good trip. I went down with fiery_ichor and stayed at zelieq's place. We had some dinner on Enmore Rd, and later went to Wake the Dead.

Had difficulty enjoying myself at WTD - not because it was a bad club or anything (it's not, it's quite good) but I just couldn't get into much. I drank 4 champagnes; 3 shandies (beer + lemonade); 1 beer and a cola. Don't normally drink that much but just too stressed lately. I threw an ashtray about, phased out several times, and felt very queasy on the dance floor. I danced to maybe six tracks (including PDA by Interpol) and almost threw up on the dance floor at one point. I cried in my beer, and on Roderick's shoulder.

But I really needed to go, and would go again, but sometimes I feel like I'm living my life inside of a Smith's song.