Laura Seabrook's Ramblings

...was OK, until K & M left for the fireworks display on the foreshore, and I started watching TV. I kept on thinking of times past.

SBS had Dinner for One on. I'd seen this years ago when i was involved with Chameleons back in Perth. I have a tape copy which was given to me by "Party Michelle" who had cancer is now probably "Dead Michelle" (though back then, there was someone else we called that name). All about refusing to accept the present by clinging to the rituals of the past. Very funny, but also very sad.

Ten had an ABBA special on. I love ABBA, but somehow it just made me spiral on old times, and the lack of things once had. Most of their songs are about two people, and today (or tonight) I feel that absence. There was some Twenty to Ten thing on Nine about celebrations. No thanks. I think I'll have my now usual "quiet night" instead.

I used to go out with people on New Year's Eve and join in the celebrations, but it seemed that more often than not, doing so just heightened the sense of isolation in me, rather than connection. I really hate the period from December 24th to January the 1st - it just wrecks my equilibrium.

Might go on to Second Life later and see what's on. Then again, I might just go to bed.

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I don't know. I think I go on determination rather than hope, and events like today's abuse on the bus confirm that.

As far as "my world" goes, hope has been gone for a while.

Is it hard to maintain? False hope is, yes.