Writer's Block: Challenges I’ve Faced
Feb. 12th, 2009 11:29 pm[Error: unknown template qotd]
Shit, where to start? There's at least: epilepsy, gender dysphoria, and extreme shyness (and other health issues). But - it's not always obvious to oneself that "emerging as a better person" is what's happened. Maybe that's only a rationalisation on my part. 
Writer's Block: Fearsome
Feb. 8th, 2009 10:14 am[Error: unknown template qotd]
I think I had too great fears - Epilepsy and the Dark.
I had epileptic seizures intermittently in my childhood, and regularly from years 8 to 18. It was something that just took control of my life. I've done a comic about this.
I had my fear of the dark well until I was 22. What cured me was riding home on my bicycle from a party held in Kalamunda after midnight with a friend. This was just after seeing Alien for the first time and it was still vivid in my mind. Haven't feared the dark at all since then, and often it seems like a friend.
G.P. Visit
Jul. 31st, 2008 09:31 amSaw my G.P. yesterday. I was only going to arrange an appointment but we went over things from last week. Top two possibilities:
- Seizure, as I suspect; or
- Sleep Apnea (I've very overweight at 130 kg).
I've had the second before. When I was back in Perth I went to Sir Charles Gardiner Hospital for a sleep study and that's what they found. However, he's also got the gears working for an E.E.G. test down at John Hunter, so now I wait and see.
Not exactly related, but my G.P. told me that I stank! It may be in the last week I haven't washed as much as I should, and the clothes I was wearing needed cleaning too. But, rather than feel resentful, it's actually a help. I have no reliable sense of smell. Sometimes I can smell things, others I can't, and on others I even have synethesia in that it seems like I smell things through my fingers or toes.
Go figure.
Feeling Fucked up
Jul. 27th, 2008 08:56 amI think I had a major tonic-clonic seizure Wednesday morning.
I had all the symptoms of one when I woke up: confusion, migraine, "pins and needles" sensation all over my skull, and bits of my language and memory seemed to be missing. I've had periods of brain fog for the last few days, and deep feelings of depression. I may have fucked up by confusingly making comments over in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif){kind=small}
tranny_rage (which I've now left) because certain words just weren't there for me. I realised something was very wrong yesterday when I couldn't remember my mother's middle name (it's Jacqueline).
Felt a lot lot better this morning. Thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened recently. At the end of May I was getting obsessive-compulsive over a silly issue regarding a local mailing list (people were only mailing minutes as Word attachments), and stressing out, and having similar symptoms, only I was afraid to post about most of them here.
Feeling fucked right now. This morning I'm going to an in-world meeting of gimpgirl in Second Life. Just as well I guess.
Epilepsy Comic
Jul. 23rd, 2008 10:10 pmAfter further correspondence, I decided to allow that student in the Netherlands to use my comic about epilepsy in his thesis (provided he credits me with copyright). He sent me a proof of his thesis and it's quite impressive and it was obvious that he was legitimate.
Ironic that I sent the copies off today, when I felt like I'd had a seizure.
Felt ill this morning, like after I had a seizure. Very emotional, hard to concentrate. This afternoon after a late lunch I merely felt sick.
Had periods of feeling better, and will probably be OK tomorrow.
How I felt today:
How I'd rather feel:
It's the morning after, and I feel a bit better.
Kevin said that what I had was a migraine. Basically, I felt: dizzy; had like a crescent of rainbow/neon shapes in my left eye (that was still there even when I closed it); a strange metallic taste in my mouth (I felt like throwing up) and my depth perception went all haywire. Had the same thing the day after I took Pegasus for a walk after the storm, and it's been worrying me because a lot of this feels like having an aura before a tonic clonic seizure.
What Kevin did was turn off the the lights in the lounge room. I sat watching anime with a single incandescent light on at the side. The neon lights went and depth perception returned mostly. I also fell asleep on the lounge room sofa. Woke up when Kevin served dinner. Had the most vivid dreams last night - the one I can remember was about me working in a fire brigade!
Right now, I feel head-achy, chest constricted, and still have that taste. Bleaugh - I probably have some sort of lurgi. My chest felt very odd (constricted) yesterday too, and still does.
Am I still having seizures?
Jun. 2nd, 2007 05:21 pmAfter yesterday, I'm worried that I'm still having epileptic seizures.
There were two instances that seemed to match my fears on the matter. The first was at the public library just after I'd changed clothes in the disabled toilet, and the second was some very puzzling experiences during an interview presentation seminar. The night before I was up 'til 1am, and woke up at 6am in order to catch a 7:30am bus.
Post Lunch
I had a large Chinese lunch at a food hall, and then went to the disabled toilets next to the city library to change into some new clothes - brand new leather shoes and a shirt. It was like my concentration just seemed to dissolve. A strap on my backpack broke and I tied it off, then it was like I was moving in slow motion.
During the Seminar
After that I returned to the employment agency for a training session on interviews. There were three of us at the session, not including the two trainers. One had to leave and two more showed up. This was in a medium sized room with two fluoro lights. We watched a Powerpoint presentation from a small projector.
Anyway, I was paying attention to this, or trying to, when I started feeling odd. I felt incredibly sleepy and started blinking my eyes at a rapid rate. I think I had a micro sleep and then woke up when one of the instructors asked me a question. It was like a corner of the room had become dimmed. The person asking the question was in that corner, and they seemed less 3D than everyone else. This weird effect continued while I was still in the room. I turned my head from side to side, and moved my eyes, but the effect stayed in that one corner of the room.
After it ended, I went to the toilets to change and when I came back the effect was gone. I asked the presenters about changes in brightness, and one of them said that she thought that I'd been having a seizure because of my heavy blinking.
I've never had the second happen to me before. I have been concerned of late that I am having seizures and not knowing it. Early this year I seemed to lose the power of speech for 30 minutes. A few years ago I just couldn't talk properly for about the same amount of time.
This is my brain on chemo
May. 15th, 2007 07:38 pmHmmm, read a posting by ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johanna_hypatia which references the This is my brain on chemo over at Salon.Com.
One part reads "Even after the worst of each round's side effects passed, I remained in a haze of sorts, with difficulty thinking clearly" which describes what I've been feeling for the last two days. Not greatly worried however. I have a history of meningitis (at 2 years old) and epilepsy (8 - 18 years old) and one of the predicted consequences further down the track was "brain fog".
Duh! And why am I not worried? 'cause there's fuck all I can do about it, except wait such days out. I get like this periodically. Partially what brings it on is either/or too much stuff happening, or not enough sleep. Phooey! as Nero Wolfe would say!
